Thoughts for my Abnormal Psychology class

Since I can’t attend school for a week or two (health reasons), might as well make my thoughts productive.

What I ask myself at 3 AM in the morn.

I was born to do this — Some of us have already figured out the art to live their lives for. It just comes so naturally to them, that when asked the question “what do they want to do with their life?” they would easily answer this statement.

I on the other hand, have tried to ask the same question (over and over). But I always end up blankly staring at our ceiling. Sometimes in the unforgiving hours of 3 AM, I write the things I am good at with my life. And the list just goes on. But I never had that sense of passion for something.

They said that when God (Life, Universe) has blessed you with talents, you have to embrace it.  The problem is my arms are too small to embrace it all. And my mind is taking most of the toll. I can feel it having confusions about the things I do. For now they’re just whispers that keep on asking me, “Come on Angel, and tell me HONESTLY what you really want to do in your life”.

I’ve already started quitting things in my life, in the hopes of having a single focus. Kept all my paint brushes, pencils, drawing paper, keyboard — but as far as it goes, none of these have helped me.

And I don’t know if this is because of my hormones finally making sense of the world. Maybe the right hemisphere of my brain is overdeveloped. Or I’m just going through a phase of “Growth and Development” (Of course, not physically). Or maybe it’s my jealousy for the people who have a say about their lives.

Is there such a feeling that you have to feel to know that it’s your calling? Should I believe in the matter of fate and destiny? Does it mean when you’re good at something, that it’s already what you have to live for? Will it have to involve an epiphany? Or does someone have to tell you about it?

I know that the answer won’t come overnight. But I just need that “something” to improve all through-out my existence. I want to be “one” with what I do. I want to be so passionate about it that I won’t just say I was born to do this… I am this.