I have so much feelings right now. (The Fault in our Stars)

Coca-Cola (The Fault in our Stars).

The only good thing about getting chicken pox is having the time to procrastinate school-work and getting my thoughts reborn.  And so I start with this rather masochistic quote; “Pain demands to be felt”. I mean, I don’t have any bragging rights about reading the book because apparently, I haven’t. But upon hearing this, I knew from that moment on, I was my feelings.

The thing about watching the movie is getting confused between my salty-tears and the acidic sweetness of this bottle of coke. I know I’m not allowed to drink it because of my gastric problems, but for some reason, I still do. And I am well aware that after watching the movie, I’d be caught up in the waterfall of my own emotions. But I am mostly mindful about the needle-pricking pain in my upper abdomen after drinking half of this bottle.

I now understand the irrationality of this pain. It demands to be felt because it doesn’t want to be forgotten. That is why people do it because with every pain comes the memory we have to a person. And that not having to feel this pain again means forgetting him or her. Maybe we’re all connected to it not because we’re masochists but because of our inability to let go. I guess attachment is just another lesson to live by between about what was and what is.

But then again, pain takes time to heal but while on the process, we can always share the story with someone special. Like what’s printed on this little red bottle, “Share a Coke with Jhon”. Whoever that is, Thanks for sharing calories, metaphors, and a little bit of my feelings.

P.S. I will the read the book someday. I’m just saving up money to buy a cart-full of tissue rolls.

Life is a juggle and you gotta juggle all night long.

Juggling is a straightforward “fall and catch” relationship. A person throws an object (mostly a ball) and the latter flies up in the air defying even the laws of gravity.  Add skill, art and discipline and you get still moments that rekindles a child’s smile to an adult’s awe.  Being an audience is a common place for most of us. But what if we were actually the one performing? And what if life itself is the one we are juggling with?

One glitch of a finger and everything shatters. This is probably how most of us consider our lives; fragile and breakable. On the first note, this seems easy when you have two or three balls, but as time goes by, the numbers also fly.

In my case, I had an identity crisis between being an octopus and a human. The balls (Okay not the sexual one) in my life kept adding up and I was solely responsible for it. I even made the perfect plan of trying what I could and couldn’t try and I just narrow them down later.

All I can see were pictures of red buttons that says, “Hey, I look interesting, try me!” . It’s just like being a part of the crowd saying “Hey, that seems is easy; let me try it at home”. Reality is that you’ll just end up with two balls and you realize that you have no love for that stuff, so why did you even bother trying it anyways?

I’m not so sure if I just misplaced the word adventure or it was just too much. And if those balls were glow in the darks, they would probably be screaming the word “Exhausted”.  I’ve hoarded so much in my life that I can’t differentiate a ball of rubber from glass. And the consequences don’t end there; the other dilemma is when these balls have become a part of you for so long that you’re not sure anymore if you can let them go.

Let the transformation to this ever confused person begin!  We grow into this familiar stranger who never kept a single focus.Take for example when it’s dinner time and we multitask; eating , watching the television, texting, and surfing the net. So instead of actually  eating, we stuffed our mouths. Instead of feeling satisfied, we feel as though we have digested heavy stones.

Same as through with juggling, a few is enough unless you are Chuck Norris.

We or I need to be slapped in the face in order to realize how much balls we have been juggling. We have to learn how to throw some to the ground. We just have to keep filtering our lives until we reach the point of realization about what and who’s worth keeping and not.  Until then, we keep on cultivating the ones that really matters; like what we truly love doing and the people who had been with us since the beginning.

Juggling is not merely a skill, but an art that we have to dive in. Nevertheless, in order to fully grasp the fall and catch of life, we must be straightforward on the things we genuinely want and need.  Sure, it takes tons practice, effort, and ocean wide discipline. But once we have mastered it, we can finally realize that the only audience that matters is ourselves.

( I was mostly inspired to write this topic because of…)