I have so much feelings right now. (The Fault in our Stars)

Coca-Cola (The Fault in our Stars).

The only good thing about getting chicken pox is having the time to procrastinate school-work and getting my thoughts reborn.  And so I start with this rather masochistic quote; “Pain demands to be felt”. I mean, I don’t have any bragging rights about reading the book because apparently, I haven’t. But upon hearing this, I knew from that moment on, I was my feelings.

The thing about watching the movie is getting confused between my salty-tears and the acidic sweetness of this bottle of coke. I know I’m not allowed to drink it because of my gastric problems, but for some reason, I still do. And I am well aware that after watching the movie, I’d be caught up in the waterfall of my own emotions. But I am mostly mindful about the needle-pricking pain in my upper abdomen after drinking half of this bottle.

I now understand the irrationality of this pain. It demands to be felt because it doesn’t want to be forgotten. That is why people do it because with every pain comes the memory we have to a person. And that not having to feel this pain again means forgetting him or her. Maybe we’re all connected to it not because we’re masochists but because of our inability to let go. I guess attachment is just another lesson to live by between about what was and what is.

But then again, pain takes time to heal but while on the process, we can always share the story with someone special. Like what’s printed on this little red bottle, “Share a Coke with Jhon”. Whoever that is, Thanks for sharing calories, metaphors, and a little bit of my feelings.

P.S. I will the read the book someday. I’m just saving up money to buy a cart-full of tissue rolls.

Friendship on a floating bookstore

After the long silence, I didn’t really know where to begin. I hope this is a good start. I wrote this poem which served as a Christmas (2013) e-card for the crew of Logos Hope. This is for Ate Juline, Kuya Roger and Silas — three heartfelt people whom we met in the enchanting night of June 9th, 2013.

They were memorable in every way. I thank them for sharing such precious moments with us. May they change more lives just like the way they changed ours, forever.

(Friendship Doodle is not mine, all credits go to the owner)

To Gab, who’s going to fly tomorrow.

Just have to let them words go…

Rhymes, People, Poetry

(This is what happens during my 3 AM dates with blank pages and MS word)

When I was being trained to write a poem, I was told that the “end” words don’t have to rhyme. And I should use it sparingly or it’s going to look cheeky. So this morning, I realized that maybe rhymes and people have things in common. Like two persons don’t really have to rhyme to complement each other. That maybe, two individuals don’t have to be so alike in sounds and rhythms to support each other. And that the two most indifferent words (people) put together, one after the other, is not so bad at all.

Maybe, sometimes it’s our differences that complete our story. And it’s in the unfamiliarity of things and people that turns half-finished stanzas in to perfect poems.

My best friend hates me

My best friend hates me

Because I’m always sad and lonely

Because I treat him more than what he deserves to be treated

I collect things and mistakes

I hoard things and memories

And I throw it all at him

Like a black garbage bag

Like a public tin can

But instead of wrapping his arms around me

Which is by definition uncomfortable and weird

He carefully opens his heart, and palms to arms, and arms to hands

Just so he can catch whatever drama I might throw in the air

Just so he can pick up the mess I’ve made

Piece by smelly piece

Trash by rotting trash

He helps me clean it up

Just so he can show me that I can and I will move on

 

My best friend hates me

Because he needed me to learn how to take care of myself

Because somehow he knows, we won’t be going to be together, forever

That someday, we’ll eventually call ourselves grown ups

And part ways

 

My best friend hates me

And he badly wants to slap the reality out of me

I know he’d been dying to say “Shut up bitch!”

But I also know that he loves me

 

My best friend hates me

Because he knows he’ll never get tired of it

And he’ll never get tired of being one. 

Relationships and Math

You and I are like Math. I am always careless when it comes to you. I’ve studied and understood all formulas. Enough to make me believe that I’ll be fine. But when it finally comes down to the test, I end up getting rattled and pressured. And everything else is forgotten and lost. All it took was one irresponsible move to spark a train of wrong answers. A train of wrong reasons in our case. And I end up losing it all. I always lose it all. But I know I wasn’t stupid, I was just … careless.

What kind of sorcery is this?

(I was so heartbroken so I wrote something about our unforgiving Statistics Midterm Exam. The results are in tomorrow, I hope I pass)